What is Controlling Behavior?
Controlling behavior is when someone tries to control who you see, what you do, or how you behave. Often disguised as "caring" or "protecting," but it's really about limiting your freedom and independence.
This pattern is dangerous because it isolates you and makes you dependent on them. Over time, you may lose your sense of self and autonomy.
What It Looks Like
Here are common examples of controlling behavior:
"I don't like you talking to that person. They're not good for you."
"Why were you online and not replying to me? Who were you talking to?"
Gets upset when you make plans without them or spend time with friends.
Tells you what to wear, who you can be friends with, or how you should act.
Monitors your social media, phone, or whereabouts constantly.
How to Spot It
You feel restricted: Healthy relationships respect your autonomy. If you feel like you need permission or are walking on eggshells, that's control.
It's disguised as care: They say they're "protecting" or "looking out for you," but it feels like control.
Your world gets smaller: Do you find yourself seeing friends less, doing things you enjoy less, or changing how you act?
You feel guilty for normal things: Do you feel bad about spending time with others or making independent decisions?
What to Do About It
If you recognize controlling behavior:
- Set boundaries: "I appreciate your concern, but I can make my own decisions about who I spend time with."
- Maintain your independence: Keep your friendships, hobbies, and personal space.
- Don't justify yourself: You don't need to explain why you want to see friends or do things alone.
- Get support: Talk to friends or family about what's happening. Isolation makes control easier.
- Consider leaving: Controlling behavior often escalates. Your safety and freedom matter.
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